A Walk Through Time And Space and Spiritual Lessons

I have been cranky and irritable. My soul and serenity were battered. Then 3 Italians woke me up 3 times, twice from naps with loud voices and once from sleep at 4:30am with an alarm. 

So I spent the first part of my walk, from Hornillos to Castrojeríz, in a mental cement mixer over other people's behavior. Then someone, I think it was Stephanie, said something in a comment to me about the "I am the problem" mind set. For those of you unfamiliar with this idea, for me it means whenever I am having difficulty with another human being, I have some part in it. And I always have the choice to decide how I will react. 

Someone once told me that if someone steps on your toe, it is normal to be upset. But if I'm still upset about it 10 years later, while the person who stepped on my toe is sleeping peacefully, that is a resentment. They are deadly. They operate on the I'll show you, I'll hurt me paradigm. It has been one of my standard methods of operation in the past. You step on my toe and I'll cut off my toe. That will show you! Harumpf, lol. 

So as I am walking through this scenery

And trudging up this lovely path, 

I realize I've done it again. IHere I am doing something I love, doing something I came thousands of miles to do, churning over thoughts of wrongs done me. Am I contemplating Amazing Grace and all I've been given, that I definitely didn't deserve? Am I contemplating how wondrous nature is all around me? Am I soaking up the spiritual blessings?

NO, none of the above. I'm making my case about how I have been harmed. That is my part in this particular scenario. The problem is clearly me. These people are nowhere in sight. 

So I remember compassion. People I know who are comfortable in their own skin, are not mean, controlling, inconsiderate, or hurtful. So people who act that way must have some pain or discomfort. It is better for me, for my state of mind, to have compassion for their pain or discomfort than to judge their behavior. 

I truly believe that we are all on the same path, but we are not all in the same place on the path. The path is all good, no one is better or worse, we are all in this together. 

This did not come easily today, but it came. So now I am in 

Resting comfortably. I took a shower, washed my clothes and had something to eat. Tomorrow I'm going to my favorite Albergue.